Thursday, September 15, 2011

When She Realizes that Changes are Coming

"All changes, even the most longed for,have their melancholy; 
for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die
 to one life before we can enter into another!" ~Anatole France

As I'm listening to Pandora I'm trying to see how to begin today's post. The music is catchy though, makes me think of those days when swing was in. So, I shall start with something like this...

Today I realized that it's not just me anymore. M (my boyfriend) and I have been dating for a few months. It is officially a serious relationship. Well, at least in my book. You see, I am a little afraid of being serious with someone. I've always had.

The many responsibilities that come with it. The fact that it's not just my choice anymore. Whatever I do will and does affect him. Meaning my actions, which bring consequences, are his in some odd way.

Relationships are complex.

Now how I came to realize this was rather simple. I asked M if he could do me a favor, and he told me that he would gladly do it, but we need it to discuss it. It is kind of a big deal so it makes sense, but you see, when I heard his response I didn't know how to react.

Usually if someone can or can't do a favor they will tell you. But nobody has told me, "I would gladly do it. We just need to discuss this. Is it alright?"

Yes, it took me awhile to process it. Fine, a few hours. Almost the entire afternoon. And this here is when I realized it's not just me anymore.

It's unknown territory for me. I've been running away from such a thing that now it's new and it brings mix feelings.

Sure, I might be leaving a part of me (the one that used to make choices that affected just her) but I'm obtaining a part of him.

It's new. I need to adjust. I'll be okay.

Till next time,


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